Last year at this time, I was making my way out of a whirlwind frenzy planning my daughter’s High School graduation festivities…We spent weekends on home projects and nights having walks down memory lane looking at pictures and all the memorabilia I saved from her childhood! We even found $50 in a card from her baby shower, score!
So many emotions were flooding me her whole senior year. Most of the emotions were joy and laughter, with a mix of worry and bittersweet “last time” moments that became an ongoing joke like "this will be the last time we eat ice cream together”, “ the last time we get coffee together”, “the last time we shop together”. I’m laughing hysterically at this because anyone who knows us, knows none of that is true; the truth is she was going to college 30 minutes away from me!
And moms, just so you know, it wasn’t until I dropped her off at college in August that I finally had my MAJOR MELTDOWN… I mean ugly snotty nose, loud sobbing, monster tears, ugly cry moment!! I’m sorry friends out there who have yet to experience this season with your kiddos; no one can prepare you for senior year, as much as we try…it’s just something you’ve gotta live through, to get through the other side of.
The good news is, and something I can say with confidence now that my girl is almost 19 years old, the other side is pretty freaking awesome too! Your relationship with them evolves, you start seeing them ‘adult’ on their own, you get to experience small glimpses of “mom was right” moments a little more, while they still call and ask you how to do laundry…for the millionth time!
In addition to this roller coaster ride of a season, there are some pretty important things that us parents need to help facilitate with your young adult when they turn 18 years old or at least before they go to college. Once I got these things in order with my daughter, it gave my “mom worry” a sense of security and a little ‘Atta Girl’ happy dance inside!
So I’d like to share what I found are the top 5 recommended legal documents you should consider having in place when your child turns 18 years old.
Health care power of attorney or sometimes referred to as a “health care proxy,”
Even if your child is under your healthcare plan, this document is still essential because it gives you the authority to make healthcare decisions on behalf of your child. Once they turn 18, you can no longer make appointments on their behalf, much less access their records! Health care proxies aren’t usually needed unless your child is determined to be physically or mentally incapable of making decisions on their own. This is a hard one to think about, so let's not dwell here and just move forward getting it done believing it may never be necessary! Plan for the worst and hope for the best, right?!
2. HIPAA authorization
This stands for Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act. It’s those privacy forms we all fill out when we go to a healthcare provider; it’s a privacy law that prevents health care providers from disclosing your child’s current medical condition or medical records to unauthorized persons. Again, if you want to gain access to this information, a HIPAA authorization document must be on file. If your child feels uncomfortable allowing unrestricted access to this information, they have the right to limit the access according to their comfort level. Lots of good conversations to be had here…
3. Financial power of attorney
This is similar to the health care proxy, the financial power of attorney allows you to make financial decisions and access financial records on your child’s behalf. So, what I found is that when we set up my daughters checking and savings I was already an authorized user, so we didn’t have a need to complete this form. However, when they turn 18, they can remove your access at any time. It’s important to have this conversation with your child and maybe discuss what accessing their account does/does not mean. (i.e. “Just because I have access to your account, doesn’t mean I will bail you out of any NSF charges or judge your spending on coffee or at Lululemon” or something to that effect! 😀) Every family navigates money rules with their kids differently, the idea for this form is protection and ability to access if ever needed, not providing unlimited funding or bailing out of overspending habits (that’s another article, for another time!).
4. FERPA authorization
FERPA stands for the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, which requires that students over age 18 give written consent before any educational records can be released to another person. This also depends on how much you and your child agree on being involved in their education, every family navigates different expectations and oversight. I know some parents have stipulations on how they help fund college based on grades, etc. so in that case, oversight would help adhere to agreements. Also note, the term “Educational records” is broad and means those records that are (1) directly related to the student, and (2) maintained by an educational agency or institution acting for the agency or institution. This includes transcripts, disciplinary actions, scholarship information, and tuition information, but it most likely doesn’t mean access to college campus health clinic records (that’s where HIPPA and Healthcare Power Of Attorney forms would kick in).
5. Simple will
OK, another hard topic, we will just go boldly into this and not dwell on the “what ifs” here. A will is a will; it’s meant to help save survivors any additional heartache and belaboring time if a devastating death occurs. Anything your child owns that would be considered an asset in their name is considered his or her estate and is subject to the probate laws of their state of domicile. If the child does not have a will or will substitute, any individually owned assets will pass according to the intestate laws of the state. Generally, the assets of an unmarried child with no descendants will pass to his or her parents, if they are living. If the parents are not living, the assets will go to their siblings. Although all of this varies based on the complexity of the child’s estate, the state you live in, etc. Without a will to refer to, you are waiting for the probate courts to get to your case, and it can take several years. I highly, highly encourage discussing this with your adult child and learning what your state requires to complete a will. For my daughter, her dad and I divorced, so she needed to decide if something happens to her, who does she want taking care of her things and she needed to put that in writing, we also decided to create a living will for her so we knew what her wishes were if she should become incapacitated. Ugh, OK moving on…
Whew, we made it through all the hard stuff, y’all! I hate to think of these scenarios, but I also hate to put my family under more stress too. This isn’t the most fun or glamorous article I’ve written, but it is an important one that I believe is so critically necessary for our young adults to understand. Maybe this is a good reminder for any older adults who are reading this too…if you are single, use this as a reminder to get your legal affairs in order. It’s one parting gift we can give our survivors so they can focus on their grief and not have to fight so hard to handle all the responsibilities of adulting in your absence.
All the best,
Marci
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